Today was interesting. I learned quite a bit about some of the new technology available for those with a visual impairment. I had actually dreaded the appointment, but found it to be very worthwhile. I had the opportunity to explore some new software that will make my life a bit easier.
     I have to admit that although I can be very stubborn, I will adapt.

Knowing your limits

    Well... let's see...it is a quarter past ten and this should be unwind time but I think sleep will elude me. It is not the first time. I am quite the pro when it comes to insomnia. I think part of it is due to the 2 Big M's in my life. Midlife and Menopause.
    I sit here with comfort food as I type. Anyone that knows me will know that maynonnaise is my good friend. I love it! I make this dip with tuna, mayo, onions and other seasonings, sometimes I add a tad of cream cheese, I like to dip sour cream and onion chips in it.
    It was an interesting day. Another great learning experience to add to the book of knowledge. I don't think it will be a best seller by any means but I do think today earned a word or two.  I am not sure I can repeat those words now.
    You ever have one of those days that starts out ok for the first few hours but as the day goes on you are hit with brick after brick of frustration? Yep...that was me today.
    I have tried to rationalize it but haven't been able to. If you see well you may have a hard time grasping this but sooner or later I will find a simile or metaphor to help you out.
    I spent my day exploring a new world on a 7 inch screen with words that appeared to me just slightly smaller than a piss ant. I struggled with contacts, glasses and a hubblescope to no avail. I tried to follow along. The training was good. I understood that. I knew I would like the software coming down the pike when I got used to using it. I could see the value in it.
    I couldn't read the screen or white board used today either. I knew they were friends of the piss ants in my world and I was frustrated and maybe a little angry.
    I had some help muddling through training, but as always I protect the innocent. As time went on, I realized that if some of those I spent time with today did not know I had a vision problem before...they certainly do now. I did not want to accept this at all.
    You know that uneasy feeling you get...like the walls closing in or claustrophobia? I had that feeling today in a wide open room. I felt like I was being studied...and really I am not that interesting. I felt like I was under the magnifier or more appropriately a microscope.
    By end of day as I was getting ready to escape I knocked over a chair. Not good. It is better to fall out of a chair than have to admit that you did not see a chair, especially when you say excuse me because you thought it was a person.
    My friend that tried to help me, sensed a frustrated vibe....and she said maybe a little anger. She said that she could tell that I was angry about the things I could not do myself.
   Yes, it has finally happened...there are things that I cannot do. Never thought I would admit that. I do know I can adapt to many things and am quite capable of doing many things myself but there are times when I have to learn my limits. I am getting closer to that realization and it will be ok.
    As the day finally came to an end I felt like one of the piss ants waiting for the foot to come down, but it didn't. Tomorrow will have new challenges.

     I took a few days off from the Blog. I had a lot to think about and sometimes I like to mull things over before making any rash decisions.
     I will take up where I left off since I had so many inquiries about my stalkers, As you already know, my first stalker wore a very ugly orange hat, my second true stalker had a Hitler mustashe and was an auxiliary cop that I met in my human relations class at Northern Essex in Haverhill, MA.
    Doug seemed like a nice enough guy at first. Friendly, but not overly friendly. I never thought of him as much more than a classmate. He had made a few off-the-wall comments but he was very military and had served for several years, I believe he was still in the reserves. I knew he was approx. 9 years older than I am and that he ran 8 miles a day in a flack jacket.
   I believe he had an obsession with wearing a uniform, power and Hitler and later I learned that he was fixated with the name Cheryl.
    At first I ignored the letters and notes that he wrote, thinking he just had a hard time accepting that I did not want to go out with him. I really believed he was harmless. He was polite, sincere and hardworking...but he was also off-the-wall.
     I finally took notice when my Human Relations Instructor asked me to see him after class. We were required to keep a journal that we had to turn in...I personally felt like this was an invasions of privacy. We were graded on content...what we thought...did....felt and if  the information was personal enough. I thought he was going to lecture me on my content, afterall, unless I chose to share it what business was it of anyone else what I thought or did?
     He took me into his office and told me he was worried because another student's journal was pretty much dedicated to me...some things were nice and some he said were crazy. For ethical reasons he could not tell me what was in the journal but advised me to report it to the police and that he would share some of the journal with them.
     Of course at this point, I did not know that he was a cop and a security guard. This gave him access to information like where I lived and worked. He scared me a few times when I left work and as crazy as it sounds I really wasn't afraid of him.
    He began sending me letters telling me things like the best time he ever had was following me to a movie theatre and sitting two rows behind me...this started to creep me out. My friends, Tracy and JoAnn were already creeped out before the following began.
    When I confronted him about his behavior he was very upset. I told him to please leave me alone. The letters continued. He followed me to the store, to work, on dates and who knows what else. He called and asked me to meet him for coffee, when I refused...he threatened my family. He even began calling them.
    Then it got quiet and I thought he had given up. One evening Tracy and I were at the Feast of the Three Kings which is a street festival and out of nowhere I could hear someone running in hard sole shoes. I don't know who jumped more...me or Tracy. He just stopped and smiled and said hello.
A few days later he stopped by my house to tell me that he met someone....I was SO happy, her name was Cheryl to and apparently there had been a couple before me too. I asked him if it was serious and he said that he was serious. He asked me if I was happy for him. I told him I was so happy that I would buy the ring!